Sunday, February 21, 2010

have a new husband: day two

a little more advice from dr. leman...

chapter two: tuesday

men are different physically, emotionally, and psychologically

to understand them you must study them in their natural habitat

observe your male creature in his environment. in what setting does he seem most comfortable?
what were his growing up years like?
how did his mother interact with him? how did his father treat his mother?
in what way(s) does his background contribute to who he is now, and how does he respond to you and life in general?
was he encouraged to share his feelings?

when he was a little boy...

how he was treated when little makes him who he is now

why he acts like a man...

competitive: to get their share
do goofy things: to get attention and boys don't really grow up
(i would say you need to embrace the boy and learn to laugh)

they play rough...

they were one of two: either getting beat on or beating on someone
dr. leman says for a fascinating conversation ask him about his childhood pranks...

how important his mama is/was...

overprotective mama: not good, feels he either has to lie or control
no room to fail mama: won't take criticism well, brag about him to his face
driven mama: kept him busy, they were never home, may not have bonded with family
disciplining mama: the way to go, he respected his mother and will respect you

he longs for the same things he did as a boy...


if you show him you're too busy to include him in your life, he'll find other things to do...
he wants to feel needed and that he can be trusted to do things, so don't ask for help then micromanage what he's doing... trust him to get it done.

if you wait for him to notice you need something, you'll be waiting a long time...
men focus on one thing at a time and what often seems so obvious to a woman is overlooked by a man because that's not where his focus is (like the empty toilet paper roll that has been laying on the bathroom floor for two weeks and he still hasn't picked it up.)

sometimes they need to experience consequences...
if they leave their dirty clothes laying everywhere and you don't pick them up so they get in the wash, who's fault is it he doesn't have any clean clothes? let him see the consequences of his actions (dr. leman says they can be trained like, and yes dr. leman is a man)

cut him some slack...
instead of wanting your husband to read your mind be specific about what you want him to do, clue him in on what's important to you. do this with kindness and respect and you'll be amazed.

"If you want to have a new husband by Friday:
Talk to him with gentleness, kindness, and respect.
Show him in both words and actions that you accept him,
that he belongs to your family, and that you believe he's
Honor him in your home. Ask him what he thinks.
Be efficient and independent, but not too much; he needs to
be needed.
Tell him what's going on in the family; he likes to know what's
going on, even if he can't be there all the time. Every man
hates finding out information about his family thirdhand.
Show an interest in what he likes to do.
Listen to him (when he does talk)."

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