Friday, February 12, 2010

have a new husand: day one

chapter one: monday

here is what dr. leman had to say about the first day of your journey to a new man:

men are fundamentally different.
way less verbal
problem solvers

he wants to be a good husband, wants to please you, but doesn't know how... he needs your help.

what he wants from you:

(i once heard it explained like this: a woman needs to feel loved more than anything. a man needs to feel respected. you telling your husband in words or actions, "honey, i love you but i just don't respect you." registers to him like if he said to you, "honey, i respect you but i just don't love you." i don't know about you but that would pretty much crush the life out of me. so instead of saying "i love you" 4,985 times a day to my honey, i say it 4,980 times and 5 times i try to communicate respect.)

when you show him you need him you trigger his God-given drive to provide, help, and solve problems. here is what you do: step one-let him know your glad to see him, step two-ask for help with a specific thing, step three-promise a reward later (you know what kind of reward ladies...) (apparently men can feel useless when confronted with women's multi-tasking, make-it-work-with-what-we-got, keep the world on track for everyone, abilities... he needs to know you can't do it without him.)

he needs a willing sexual partner
you need to pursue him (and dr. leman says we will talk more about this later)
affirm his masculinity

so does it work?... two days after i read chapter one my honey came home from work, i greeted him with a smile and a good mood, he relaxed for a little while and i started dinner. i mentioned that it would be a big help if he entertained stinky while i finished dinner... usually that would have lasted five minutes but that night he took boy back to his room and they played for half an hour... later that night he even fixed the dish washer, which he had been saying he would do for almost a year now, without being asked! and ladies, i let him know i appreciated it...

1 comment:

Stephanie Rose said...

nice! please keep posting about this! I could always use advice on how to improve on anything!