Tuesday, October 14, 2008

the day that changed my life

saturday, june 14th, 2008... 3:04 pm central standard time...

after 20 some hours of labor, including an epidural and petocin, both which i tried desperately to avoid, and a c-section... so much for natural child birth... my life was changed drastically and forever.

i knew i would want to be a mother and i waited almost eight years for the opportunity. an opportunity that i had prayed about and come to terms with the fact that it might never happen. after seven years of no oops moments, my mom could get pregnant walking into a room with a man, i was prepared for life without children. God had other plans and after two months of trying we were blessed with a child.

i went into education for several reasons. one of them being that i thought it would be a profession that complemented being a mother. after all, i would be off when my children were. that may have been true at one time but the demands put on educators today do not come with 8 to 3 hours.

it was not until i gave birth that the full impact of motherhood was realized. staying at home to raise my children was never really an option in my mind. my mother worked, often including any overtime she could get, while raising five kids. i knew very few kids growing up that had the luxury of an at-home mom. how i wish i had planned to stay home with my kids from the very start of my married life.

so here i am, going back to work this monday. leaving my reason for life behind to be raised by someone else. and it is here that my quest begins. i want to be mad, grumpy, take it out on all around me, they should suffer too! but that does no good to myself or the people forced to be miserable right along with me. so, i will suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and get on with life. that quest i mentioned... it's this; to be the best wife and mother that i can while working and always searching for the opportunities that could help me return to my rightful place... home.

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